Navigating Relationships, Emotions and Expectations in the Holidays
When Christmas is not bringing you the peace, love and joy it promises…
We get flooded with images of happy families, extravagant gift giving and the idea that Christmas is a time of warmth, connection and boundless joy. If this matches your experience of Christmas, that is truly wonderful, but for a significant number of people, the reality of this time of year can be far more complex and challenging.
If you feel grief, loneliness, anxiety or tension rising as Christmas approaches, you are not alone. For some, this time of year seems to highlight and amplify any unresolved family dynamics, strained relationships, financial stress or old emotional wounds. Rather than feeling rested and connected, over the break, many people find themselves exhausted and struggling to get through the days.
Acknowledging this reality is an important first step.
Why Christmas Can Be Emotionally Challenging
Christmas often brings us back into close contact with family systems that are already difficult. Longstanding patterns can resurface, expectations may go unspoken, and unresolved hurts can be triggered without warning.
Do you experience any of these common challenges?
Feeling pressure to perform happiness or gratitude?
Navigating conflict or emotional distance with family members?
Grief for loved ones who are absent or estranged?
Feelings of loneliness, even when surrounded by others?
Financial stress or feelings of comparison?
Anxiety about confrontations or your boundaries being crossed?
These experiences are not a sign of failure. They are often a natural response to complex relational histories and emotional conditioning.
How Do You Usually Cope During the Holidays?
It can be fascinating just how easily we can default to familiar survival strategies when we are back with our families, or under the extra pressures that Christmas can bring.
You might recognise yourself in one or more of these:
Pushing through and hoping it will be over quickly
Keeping yourself busy, and filling your days with events and people to distract yourself and avoid difficult feelings
Avoiding people, shops and gatherings altogether
Over-functioning to keep the peace
Keeping expectations low and bracing yourself for disappointment while wishing things would be different
While these approaches can help you get through the holidays, keeping this up can be exhausting, and will rarely lead to anything changing, let alone the genuine ease or emotional safety you may be craving.
Keep reading for some strategies to support you through the more challenging days this season, and maybe even help you change the experience of Christmas this year.
Supporting Your Nervous System During Stressful Moments
When emotions run high, your body can quickly move into a stress response. When you notice yourself getting stressed, overwhelmed or emotional, taking steps to regulate your nervous system can help create a sense of calm and control.
This simple breathing practice is surprisingly effective.
Try taking a deep breath in slowly to a count of five, then breathing out to a count of seven or eight. Making the exhale longer than the inhale signals to your nervous system that it is safe to relax. Practising this regularly, such as while driving or before bed, makes it easier to access when emotions escalate, and you need to remind yourself that while the environment doesn’t feel safe, you are actually not in real danger.
Taking walks in nature.
Moving your body helps to move the stress hormones and energy through your system, effectively discharging it and bringing you back to a steady baseline. Stepping outside for some fresh air not only gives you a short break from any intensity you may be experiencing, being close to trees, or barefoot on the ground can help your whole body to reset.
Create an anchoring practice.
It might be a daily morning or evening meditation practice. It might be listening to a guided breathwork or meditation track. It could be a daily walk before the celebrations kick off or after dinner. When you have these daily practices that help you connect to yourself and to your body, you build up resilience and bandwidth to better manage challenging times.
When Old Hurts and Grudges Surface
Christmas can bring unresolved feelings to the surface, especially when there is a history of disappointment or hurt. Rather than suppressing these emotions, it can be helpful to explore them with curiosity.
It may not be appropriate to have the conversations you’d like to have, but you could try writing letter (that you may never send) or talking to a trusted friend or psychotherapist like Eddie Enever.
Reflecting on what was painful, what you needed at the time, and how those experiences shaped you can build understanding and take the charge out of those emotional responses that often get triggered at this time of year. This kind of internal work can shift how you feel and respond now, even if the other person does not change.
Managing Worry and Mental Overload
Anxiety often increases during the holidays, particularly when there are financial pressures or interpersonal stressors.
One practical approach is to schedule worry time.
Set aside a specific window each day to write or think about what is concerning you, without trying to solve it. After this, be sure to move your body - a workout or even walking or gentle exercise helps to discharge any built-up tension. When worries arise outside that time, you can remind yourself that you’ll give it time later.
Rethinking Self-Care at Christmas
Self-care during the holidays is not always about indulgence. Often it looks like planning ahead to protect your emotional wellbeing.
This might include:
Organising social catch-ups with friends that leave you feeling uplifted, not deflated
Letting people know in advance what time you’re planning to leave a gathering
Taking short breaks to reset your nervous system
Using music or quiet time to regulate your mood
Remembering boundaries are not selfish. They are a form of self-respect and help you give your best.
Accepting What You Can and Cannot Change
One of the hardest truths - that is especially poignant at Christmas - is that you cannot change other people. You can, however, change how you respond, what you tolerate, and decide how much energy you give to draining situations.
Acceptance does not mean approval. It means recognising reality and choosing the response that best supports your wellbeing.
When Additional Support Makes the Biggest Difference
For many people, Christmas highlights difficult or even damaging patterns that extend far beyond one day of the year. Ongoing anxiety, emotional reactivity, unresolved family trauma or repeating relationship dynamics are signs that deeper support could be helpful.
At Perth Natural Medical Clinic, both psychotherapy and hypnotherapy offer pathways to meaningful change.
Eddie Enever, somatic psychotherapist and Compassionate Inquiry practitioner, works gently and deeply with emotional patterns, family dynamics and trauma held in the body. His approach supports insight, emotional regulation and long-term healing, particularly for those navigating complex relationships or long-standing stress.
Amanda Davies, hypnotherapist, supports clients to work with the subconscious mind, helping to resolve past hurts, release unhelpful patterns and create new emotional responses. Hypnotherapy can be especially effective when you feel stuck repeating the same reactions despite your best intentions.
If Christmas has traditionally been difficult for you, consider this an invitation to seek support so that in the years to come, you can experience a new tradition. Because you deserve greater ease, clarity and emotional safety, during the holidays and throught he rest of the year too!